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Just a dance

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Like a butterfly, she magically spreads her wings every time on stage. Her dark hair flows beautifully even when it’s in a ponytail and the sparkling dresses she wears make her body seem Godlike. Every time she dances all the eyes are on her. The stage is her home and the audience is her family. The lights are her make up and the stage is her room. She walks up there looking more beautiful than ever.

“Lights, music, action” the man says and she moves.

Her beautiful legs go around the stage making inhuman movements. Her hands flow along with them in the grace she’s only capable of having and the charming smile she gives is noticed even by the people sitting in the furthest rows.

They stare at her with their eyes wide open and some of their mouths made in the letter “O”. They don’t dare to make a sound, because they don’t want to interrupt her. The only thing you could hear is the jazzy music and her high heels on the stage.

They clap as their brains are not even coordinated yet. They’re still mesmerized by her dance and presence. She bows and gives them one more smile. Flowers are thrown on the stage. She blows a kiss. She waves at the audience. She takes a step back. She walks off stage. The audience is silent.

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Diary of a killer

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The bloody stain on the carpet reminded me of what I had done. The night was filling up my mind with darkness in incredible speed. I had always wondered why I tend to be so evil when the sun sets. Why do all the anger and lust suddenly come in without knocking? I was feeling no regret, because I had learnt already that life is like drawing without an eraser and I draw my paintings with blood and tears of pain.

I had the strength or weakness depending on your point of view. I had the strength to serve justice even though it was only served in my own mind. I remembered her weak voice calling for help, I would remember it every night before falling asleep in my bed. Her chest bleeding as I was stabbing her with the perfectly sharp knife I am keeping at the bottom of my wardrobe now.

Life shrinks or expands in proportions of one’s courage –Anaïs Nin and I am yet to figure out if my life expanded when I got away with what I did that night and served myself peace once and for all. 

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I can’t believe

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I can’t believe I was afraid of spiders. With their cute, fuzzy (sometimes) bodies and the way they walk looking funny and how we see them with those big eyes in cartoons. The way they make their pretty white web, being able to catch things in it and play around with it makes them special in my head.

I can’t believe I was intimidated by my classmate who not only can’t achieve anything, but is also living a filthy lie without even having the chance of realizing it, because she’s too blinded by the person she’s trying to be and not being herself. 

I can’t believe she never told me how she felt towards him, because I’m sure that if she had done so it would have hurt much less. 

I can’t believe how many years it’s been since I felt it that day. The feeling that introduced me to life and all its darkness, sadness and pain. The feeling that eventually made me grow up and view life from a different angle. 

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Peephole

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I’m a bit of a secretive person so when it comes to someone else I expect them to be secretive as well.

You know those terrifying moments when you can’t keep your breath calm and you have the weird feeling someone is watching you? I was feeling it more than ever on that day. I knew that he was after me; I would have been if I was in his place. I ran away when I shouldn’t have and I kept it a secret from everyone. All the terrible things he would do without having a care in the world.

I was sitting in my tiny brown coach, the room was filled with dust and my head was spinning. It felt like the Earth was moving way too fast. I was wearing a red ordinary sleeping gown and my feet were bare. I closed my eyes for a second; the Earth was spinning even faster. I opened them, I was still a disaster. I touched my neck with my soft hand and felt the bruises he had left.

My heart and breath could not take a break.

I got out of the couch, I could sit no longer. I took a small step towards the door and stopped for a second to take a breath once again, maybe for the last time. I got to the door and started shaking like a leaf.

I looked through the peephole and saw his bright green eye cutting right through my brain. 

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Giraffe’s crush

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She was carrying some fresh grass in the transparent bad for me in the early, cold Monday morning and instantly warmed my day again. The big eyes she had were staring at me as her blonde hair was falling down on her uniform. The blue-grayish police uniform she was wearing was fitting her perfectly and making her body look even better. The red box on the top part read “Security” which led me to the thought that she was the one keeping me safe on Mondays. 

 She put the grass closer to me with her girly hand, nails painted in light purple and perfectly formed. I took a bite out of it slowly to show her that I like it and then took a look down on her. 

“Hey cute giraffe” she exclaimed and put her hand towards me. I rubbed my hand gently in it and licked it playfully. “Ha-ha” she laughed a bit and her bright smile lit up my day once again. Suddenly her smile disappeared and a serious look showed up on her gorgeous face. “Hey, giraffe, I’ll have to skip visiting you next Monday, because I’ll be on a trip, but I’ll be back” she said with her usual quiet tone as she was petting me.

I felt a bit bad, because I would miss her, but I was happy for her at the same time. She spent the next couple minutes being next to me without saying a word and just being her lovely self and I wondered How could a human make me feel so good?

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1938 – Yes, I decided to continue it

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I could see he was a little bit of Blues and a little bit of Jazz. His eyes were as green as the summer grass. His body was close to mine as we were walking on the wet pavement while some black shiny car went through a water hole and the dirty water splashed all over us.

“My dress!” I exclaimed.

“We don’t need this anymore since we’re wet” the man said and threw my umbrella in some old garbage can.

“Are you insane?”

“Oh, dear. Control your emotions, feel the rain” he said and grabbed my hand walking faster and dragging me with him. I was barely walking that fast with my high heels and the pouring rain wasn’t making it any easier.

We were walking and this might have been the most irresponsible thing I had done in a long time. It felt amazing to be a little younger again and to feel the cold rain on my skin. I remembered the time when I wasn’t an actress yet and I could do whatever I wanted without worrying about journalists. This felt like one of those times and I was sincerely happy. I wanted the moment to last much longer.

We reached a small wooden building with a bright sign that read “Bonsai” on top of it.

“This is my favorite place to be” He said and opened the black door for me.

I walked in a little disappointed that the moment was over and a bit happy, because I was getting cold under this rain.

I walked in. The place looked beautiful. The walls were painted in red and black just like the chairs and seats. The bartender was an old man with a tortured look on his face and a bald head wearing a tuxedo. Right next to the corner was a huge piano on which nobody was playing at this moment, and at the center there was a small stage. In fact the place was almost empty at this time of day. Night was the time everyone was awake.

“Hello Bill!” the old man said as he was polishing some glasses. He took a good look at me from my toes to my head. “Oh my, and is this Nancy Dawson?” he asked a little shocked.

“In the flesh.” I said and gave him my hand. Instead of shaking it he kissed it and I felt the little mustache he had.

“So nice to meet you, I’m a big fan! Can I offer you a drink?” he asked as he put the glass down.

“No, thank you. I don’t drink that early” I replied and sat down one of the chairs. The man sat on one next to me and put down some notebook.

“As you may have noticed, my name is Bill” he said and smiled at me.

“Yes, I am Nancy. Nice to meet you, Bill” I replied to his smile as well.

“You look stunning even with your make up all over your face.”

“Thank you”

It felt new. How he was making me feel happy and enough and all my worries were flowing away when he was saying all those things. The most confusing thing of all was the fact that I had just met that man.

The last partner I had was a year ago. He was handsome and beautiful, but arrogant and blunt. He would often tell me things about how I need to make myself better and the way this man now was making me feel for about an hour was better than all my ex boyfriend did for an year. I was afraid I might blush, so as an actress I tried to distract myself and keep my poker face.

“What’s in the notebook?” I asked with curiosity in my voice.

“I’m a writer, I write novels”

 This made me like him even more. I could take him to places he’d never even imagine being, and he could write about them. The writer and the starlet.

“Care for a dance?” he asked and grabbed my hand.

“Of course”

“Dean, play for us” he said and the old man who sat down next to the piano and started to create an amazing melody.

It was about noon and I was in a bar. Dancing with a perfect man while another one is playing the piano.

I could feel his cologne, so fresh. His strong chest pressed against mine and the feeling of being safe. I closed my eyes and took off to a different place. I left my mind somewhere far away from there, only allowing my body to be present. Both of us wet and tired. Pressed against each other with closed eyes, for about two hours now I had prayed that he felt it too, that he felt safe and secure.  

 

P.S. I’ll probably expand it even more and I was writing this while listening to Jazz. 

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Last moments

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She adjusted his bow tie as she looked at his gorgeous greenish eyes. They were looking at her with dangerous amount of love and having that puppy look to them. He smelled like the expensive perfume she had bought him for their 5th anniversary and that scent made her insanely intoxicated. They looked at each other in the huge mirror and held their hands gently. That moment was what they had both dreamed of, for a long, long time. They turned against each other and looked into their eyes again. It felt so right, it almost made them cry.

He grabbed her hand and pulled it to his full lips, afterwards he kissed it gently. She gave him a loving smile and squeezed his hand a little.

“I love you” he said while looking at his bride and taking it all in as much as he could, so he could remember it forever.